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I spoke to your dog, he hasn’t had bloodwork in years…he understands that “recent” means something different to you.

I spoke to your dog, the veterinarian “friend” that you are getting advice from is a server at Pizza Hut that worked as a kennel attendant 20 years ago.

I spoke to the dog you found injured…he doesn’t have an owner…because he’s a coyote.

I spoke to your dog, he’s fine. He’s worried about you-this isn’t the first time you got smashed drunk, stared at him, and then took him in to emergency.

I spoke to your dog, he said that if you can’t tell which leg is painful…you shouldn’t be going in at 3am.

I spoke to your dog, he’s not bloated. Despite your extensive “Google” search…he’s still a 3lb Pomeranian.

I spoke to your dog, he ate your underwear. He said to start putting them away…and your lady products-those are next.

I spoke to your dog, you don’t give the meds as prescribed…

Your cat agrees-she is getting different doses every day…

And they both want to know what you have against giving pain medication?

I spoke to your dog, he has been itchy for years. The difference is that you don’t normally wake up and hear him at 2am.

I spoke to your cat, she doesn’t understand what “normal cat vomiting” is either, and why vomiting today made you bring her in.