Category: Phone calls

2am: How can I help?

”My dog has parvo, and he also ate a dryer sheet, did the dryer sheet cause parvo?”

Unfortunately-unrelated

“Are you sure?”

Unless I missed that day in vet school

2:20am: How can I help?

“I think I ran over my cat!”

Ok-bring him in and we can try and help

“I can’t reach him- he’s still under the car!”

Can you pull forward?

(Click)

3:20am: How can I help?

“Will you report me if I bring my dog in?”

Not sure what you mean?

“I’m drunk…and I want to bring my dog in…”

Yes

(Click)

4:15am: How can I help?

“What time do you open?”

We are open now

“I know that clearly, I’m talking to you! But what time do you open in the morning!”

I don’t know how to answer that.

1:30am How can I help?

“Our dog isn’t doing well and we think it’s time to euthanize”

I’m sorry, come down and we can help

“Oh really, I thought you would want to charge us”

3am: How can I help?

“Yes-you sent orders home that call for a bland diet”

Yeah- chicken and rice typically

“Human chicken?”

Or-chicken…chicken

2:15am: How can I help?

“My dog isn’t breathing, I’ll be there in 20 minutes!”

Sir-is your dog still alive?

“I’ll call you back!”

(30 minutes later)

“Do you think I killed her with spaghetti?”

No- I don’t think it was the spaghetti.

“Oh good, thanks!”

1:15am-How can I help?

“How much to get my dog looked at?”

$150

“But it’s just his paw-you don’t have to look at the rest of him”

Sorry-have to look at all of him

“I give you $75 if you take a good look at the paw, and barely look at the rest”

You win- see you when you get here

3:02am-How can I help?

“Dog is trying to push and them puppies ain’t coming”

Ok-how long has she been pushing?

“Hell- I don’t know, a while”

Sounds like you should come down, do you know where we are?

“Yeah, I think so…I just have to get the bitch up and in the car”

(laughter followed by groaning)

“Wife didn’t think that was funny”

2:45am- How can I help?

“My dog bit my balls!”

Who’s balls? What happened?

“I was playing with my dog and he bit me in the balls!”

Why are you calling us, we are a veterinary hospital

“I wanted to know if he could get an STD from me?!!”

Good luck

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