I spoke to your dog, he blew out his knee because he is fat and doesn’t get exercise. The only walk he gets is from his bed to the kitchen.
Off to vet school…
Prior to vet school, as many of you know, I was a dolphin trainer. After 6 years of slinging fish and dodging lightning in Florida, it was time to move on. As I quickly learned, dolphin training prepares you to do…well, absolutely nothing else in life.
Could I determine which little snot-nosed kid would likely kick Diego (dolphin) in the eye-yes.
Could I escape a naked man hug from “Skip”-yes.
Could I pick out which dad would likely drown before using a life jacket-yes.
But as they say- “you know when it’s time to move on.” I had to pick up some classes in Florida so that I was eligible for vet school. So during my time working, I was also attending UCF. Applications were ridiculous-I was a Canadian on an expiring visa looking to stay in the US to go to vet school. This is less than ideal. Finished applications and ultimately had interviews with Western University and Michigan State.
Michigan State was first-didn’t know what to expect. They placed us in a room. 8-10 candidates, all feverishly reviewing potential questions and me. I introduced myself to a nice lady up front in the office and sat with her and answered phone calls.
Then the interview- I believe there were 3 doctors, all very accomplished, and again me.
“So- Jason, what journals do you read?”
“Does Ranger Rick count?”
Long pause- then laughter.
Somehow they still wanted me for their class of 2010.
Western University was second. Again- didn’t know what to expect, but sitting outside the interview room, I met my friend Phil Mar (who I called Veggie Phil for a few years, until he proved not to be a vegetarian). He was as tired as I was, we bonded instantly.
We both got in.
I finished up my time at Sea World and off I went to the west coast. In my final days, I was left with a lasting line from my friend Shelley Samm
“Western University? That’s a practice vet school right? Not a real school yet?”
Vet calls…
2am: How can I help?
”My dog has parvo, and he also ate a dryer sheet, did the dryer sheet cause parvo?”
Unfortunately-unrelated
“Are you sure?”
Unless I missed that day in vet school
ER vet tip…
I spoke to your cat, she said the “quality diet” that you are feeding comes from the dollar store.
I’m pretty sure you are overpaying for it.
ER vet tip…
I spoke to your dog, he is aware that he isn’t a wolf and has never had to catch his dinner. So let’s not feed him like he’s a T-Rex- ok?
Oh- you thought your dog looked like the dog on the commercial? I see a 115lb Lab with bad knees and stinky ears, what do you see?
Vet calls…
2:20am: How can I help?
“I think I ran over my cat!”
Ok-bring him in and we can try and help
“I can’t reach him- he’s still under the car!”
Can you pull forward?
(Click)
ER vet tip…
I spoke to your dog, he doesn’t trust your”gut” feeling on when to give insulin.
Oh- you’re a nurse. Please don’t tell me where you work.
ER vet tip…
I spoke to your dog, he will try and swallow a bully stick every time. Stop giving them to him.
Vet calls…
3:20am: How can I help?
“Will you report me if I bring my dog in?”
Not sure what you mean?
“I’m drunk…and I want to bring my dog in…”
Yes
(Click)
Vet calls…
4:15am: How can I help?
“What time do you open?”
We are open now
“I know that clearly, I’m talking to you! But what time do you open in the morning!”
I don’t know how to answer that.
